Have you been struggling to say no to that drink or the food that doesn’t align with your values? Are you dreading having to share space with people that bring negative energy? Have you been taking work home? Are you constantly agreeing with those around you to keep the peace? Are you transforming who you are to be what others want you to be?
These are all ways that we abandon our boundaries and this can lead to stress, illness and fatigue if not addressed. The festive season can pose an extra challenge to our boundaries due our nature to avoid conflict and please people. Boundaries are guidelines and limits we create to stay true to our values and goals. A boundary is not a bubble that separates us from the world or a giant fort to keep others out. A boundary is a compass we use to guide our actions and behaviours through life.
Boundaries can be physical or emotional, and they can range from being loose to rigid, with healthy boundaries often falling somewhere in between. - Joaquin Selva
You may know someone who lacks boundaries and says yes to everything even when they don’t want to - even at the detriment to themselves. This could show up as taking on more work than they are capable, going on that night out even when they don’t want to, having that extra drink or food just to please others. On the other end of the spectrum is someone that has very rigid boundaries, where they cannot enjoy a meal with friends or miss a training session out of fear of undoing all of their work. Establishing a healthy boundary is between these two extremes.
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others - Brene Brown
By creating and honouring your boundaries you stay true to your identity and values, avoid burnout, replenish your energy and maintain good mental and emotional health. Doing this will allow you to turn up as your best self.
I invite you to take the time to become clear about your values and what you will and won’t allow into your life. Some areas you may like to explore are:
Social: Who do you spend your time with (friends/family/co-workers)? Do these relationships build you up? If not, can you creating boundaries around the time you allocate to spend with these people?
Emotional boundaries: Can you set up a boundary so you don’t let someone else’s mood of feelings dictate how you feel?
Money: How do you wish to spend your money? Can you create boundaries around gift giving expectations?
Work: Do you have space between work and home life? How can you create this?
Self care: Can you create boundaries around time for you so you can turn up as your best self?
Wellness: What food and drinks will you allow and not allow over Christmas?
Saying no: It’s about owning our yes and no’s. Having a clear boundary can allow you to speak from your truth and confidently saying no.
Boundaries are your responsibility. You decide what is and isn’t allowed in your life. - Brittney Loses
You may be thinking.. Yes, I can be clear about my boundaries now but when someone asks me to do that thing or have that piece of cake I struggle to stay true to my boundary! I hear you, this is a practice.
How do you maintain boundaries?
State your boundary, communicate what you need, keep it simple and say why it is important.
With practice this get’s easier. When we say no to others, we are saying yes to ourself. It is not selfish, it’s self care. - Dr Senem Eren
You do not need to enter the drama or emotion which can happen when defending a boundary - be firm, respectful and clear. If you are acting from a place of love and compassion then you can stay true to you and not let the emotions get the best of you. Practice remaining calm by staying present, breathing and respond from that place.
Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept. - Anna Taylor
There are many layers to boundaries and as we start to set and honour them it can be challenging as people around us start to learn our values and respect them. Is it worth it? Absolutely!
I’d love to walk alongside you as you create these boundaries for yourself and honour them. An abundance of self love, care, compassion and vibrant health and energy awaits! I’ve got an offer just for you!
Until the end of 2020 get 30% off a 6 or 12 session coaching series! Email me now to take advantage of this deal and begin 2021 with a clear vision for yourself.