Updated: Oct 27
Self sabotage is a way of returning to our comfort zone when things get challenging or feel uncomfortable. This can be a time when growth is about to happen but instead of allowing ourselves to stay in this discomfort and grow... we consciously or unconsciously prevent it from coming into fruition. Self-sabotage prevents us from successfully making changes in our lives and holds us back from achieving our goals.
Now before you you hit the close button.. this is not all doom and gloom! WE ALL have done this at sometime! So continue reading and become aware of what this looks like... SO you can turn it around!
This behaviour can affect nearly every aspect of life be it a relationship, a career goal, or a personal goal such as weight loss. - Lisa Jeffs
How do we self sabotage?
Consciously: this occurs when we try and justify our behaviour or actively avoid doing that thing that we know will allow us to reach our goals. This can come in the form of procrastination, avoiding a date or conversation, telling ourselves that “I’ve exercised/eaten well all day so I deserve it”. Every time we do this, we strengthen this habit.
Self sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen - Alyce Cornyn Selby
Subconsciously: this is where we continue patterns without challenging the reasons driving us to do what we do. These patterns play out due to a story (or limiting belief) we tell our self AND our brain then subconsciously looks for ways to reinforce this pattern. For example.. you might create a belief of“I… can’t lose weight, can’t find love, can’t be successful/win” “I’m not good enough” you then identify with this pattern and it plays out in your life. If you start taking steps away from this story, it means the belief about yourself is being challenged and the mind (or what you may know as the ego) rebels. Your mind wants you to continue to believe the limiting belief “I can’t love” or “I can’t be successful” therefore you sabotage by unconsciously ruining a relationship or bringing up a barrier in a business deal.
Taressa Riazzi – We sabotage the great things in our lives because deep down we don’t feel worthy of having the great things
Ways we can self sabotage are endless! Let's explore some of the ways we tend to do this...
Food: binge, distract, or the diet/binge cycle
Using rules to procrastinate ie I will start at the gym once I’ve lost x kilograms… I will start steps towards a new career once I have degree/knowledge/expertise… I will start dating once I feel better about myself
Avoiding intimacy: “The quickest path to self-destruction is to push away the people you love.” – Cassia Leo
Staying in unhelpful thinking patterns or behaviours
Overcomplicating simple problems by researching or trying to find the perfect solution.
Perfectionism is a form of self sabotage. In this state you won’t try OR you spend the whole time overthinking the situation.
Focusing on what other people need to fix rather than owning our side of the story
Doing the same thing in the same way expecting a different result
Yes... just a few ways ;) !!
Do you resonate with any of these behaviours?
Realise that what you’re doing isn’t ‘you’ it’s a self-sabotaging pattern that has been created based on your past experiences. Awareness is the first step to moving past a self sabotaging behaviour. Once you recognise these playing out in your life and become open to creating a new belief then you can choose a different path (or different pattern)! AND be kind to yourself - we all do this after all!
I have not failed, I’ve just found 10000 ways it won’t work – Thomas A. Edison
Remember our comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there.
Want to learn how to create a new pattern? Let's have a chat!